The purpose of life on the Earth Plane is to attain soul growth through working out our karma, releasing past life energy, resolving past life issues and learning our chosen karmic life lessons. One of the hardest lessons among all the life lessons we have chosen to learn is to change our deep ingrained habits and to move away from our old patterns and past-life conditioning. Our habits, old patterning and conditioning are the combination of our past-life memories, childhood experiences in this lifetime and conditioning during our growing up years, as well as our chosen star patterns for our current incarnation.
The learning process of changing habits and letting go of old patterning and conditioning is never easy, because the Self-part of us does not want to make change. The Self-part of us wants to hold onto the old way – old habits, old patterns and conditioning that it feels familiar and comfortable with. As such, it often takes the Universe to bring sudden and unexpected happenings into our life to wake and shake us up so that we can eventually make change and move forward. This is exactly what has happened to me recently through my high blood sugar problem.
I have many habits. People around me often joke with me about my stubbornness. Among all my habits, fast eating was at the top. When I had food, I ate as fast as I could as if there was not enough for me. I developed this habit as a little child in this lifetime, not to mention in past lives. I started to develop this habit when I was about 6 years old during the three-year Great Chinese Famine from 1960 to 1962. The famine occurred as a result of a series of natural disasters that were compounded by several planning errors of the Chinese Central Government during The Great Leap Forward movement from 1958 to 1960. As a result, the entire country of China experienced an extreme food shortage. Every family received a limited amount of rations. The rations were not enough to feed us. Everyone was starving, so people took trees, wild greens – anything to fill an empty stomach in an effort to not starve. Everywhere you looked, it was so desolate and barren as people foraged for food. My memory of that time is being so hungry all the time. I was starving. I would eat anything I could lay my hands on. I picked up any food I found on the ground and ate it immediately without any hesitation. I ate fast, because I was too hungry to taste the food; I was just trying to fill my empty stomach.
Then, at the age of 17, I worked in the countryside as a “Down to the Countryside” city youth. I was assigned by the village to be in charge of the raw food warehouse. The warehouse was the center of our whole village. I was the first person to arrive at the warehouse every morning to collect everything that the peasants collected from the field during the early morning work shift, and the last person to leave the warehouse at night. There was only an hour break between the early morning work and noon work. Women normally did not participate in the early morning fieldwork; they stayed home to prepare breakfast for the family. Because my brother had to participate in the early morning fieldwork as a man, even though he was only fifteen years old and I had to be in the warehouse to collect everything that the peasants had collected in their early morning work, I did not have time to cook breakfast for my brother and me at all. Often, by the time I went back to our home in the morning, it was almost time to start the noon fieldwork. In those days, we did not have any pre-made fast food products, such as cereals, snacks, eggs, energy bars or cookies, etc. Everything we ate had to start from its’ raw state. We also did not have many choices for raw food, because our whole country was still suffering from the consequences of the Cultural Revolution. The quickest food we had was the raw noodles our parents sent to us from our hometown from their food quota. This was also considered a luxury food, as the peasants never had it. I often put the noodles into the warm water and as soon as it was boiled, my brother and I started to eat regardless whether it was well cooked or half cooked. We had to fill our empty stomachs before the noon fieldwork started. Normally, all the heavy fieldwork was done in the noon time frame. If we did not eat, then it would not be possible to carry on all the heavy fieldwork. So I had to eat as fast as possible to fill up my empty stomach. As a result, I cultivated my fast-eating habit throughout my adult life. When I was living with Margaret and Alan, they noticed my fast-eating habit, Maitreya once pointed it out to them that it was because I was afraid of not having enough to eat. When he told me about the reason that drove my fast eating and suggested to me to eat slowly to benefit my digestion and health, I did not take it seriously and kept eating fast.
A few months ago I unexpectedly found myself having high a blood sugar problem, accompanied by my lower legs itching and physical tiredness. One of the metaphysical reasons for having high blood sugar is the belief that there is not enough; whether it is love, or food, or anything else in life. This was my wakening call. I knew it was the Universe’s way to let me know that I needed to make change in order to heal myself. Otherwise, I could have a serious health problem. Thus, I took it seriously this time and I was determined to change, no matter what it might take. Since then, I started to look deep within and work on making change, including my deep ingrained eating habit. Changing habits is never easy. I made a conscious and determined effort to commit myself to making a change with my fast eating habit. In the beginning, my Self was fighting me every step along the way. I was aware of it and I chose to fight it. As I was eating, I put my intention to slow eating. I kept affirming in my thought, “There is an abundant supply in my life, I no longer need to worry about not having enough. I need to enjoy what I have on the table and eat it slowly and with gratitude.” I ate slowly and thoroughly, making sure I chewed all the food in my mouth, I then slowly swallowed my food. With the intention of making change, I focused my energy and thoughts towards having the determination, discipline and patience to make this change. I have been gradually changing my eating habits in the past few months. Gradually, I am forming a new eating habit – slowly and thoroughly chewing the food I have in my mouth, and believing that I have all I need. In fact, this process is not only changing my eating habit, but also allowing me pay more attention to myself. It is also a learning process of caring about myself with gentleness and kindness.