Going Backwards to Move Forwards
By Laura Elliott

A few months ago, I went back to working at a “regular day job”. I really put off doing that because I felt like I was going backwards instead of moving forwards. I thought when I left the work force a couple of years ago that it was finally my time to follow my dreams. I felt it was a sure sign of finally getting to do something I love for a living instead of just doing a job to earn a paycheck. Boy, was I surprised when nothing seemed to be working out.

I would say this has surely been a lesson in learning divine timing. Even though I thought I was listening to divine guidance and interpreting messages being sent to me, I see now how my ego was involved. I felt I deserved to do what I loved for a living since I’d spent 25 years in a profession that didn’t allow me time to pursue what I truly wanted to do. I’d see others getting to do what they loved for a living and cried to the Heavens how unfair it was that I couldn’t be one of those people. The Ego Self is so insidious. It points out the things that aren’t “fair” and commiserates with you to get you to do what it wants, which is never for your Highest Good. It’s like in the Old West, when someone would rile up the crowd of towns folk until there was a mob with pitchforks, guns and torches marching up the main street to the sheriffs building demanding the prisoner be given to them so they could hang him themselves. It just takes one person commiserating with another to talk themselves into all kinds of silly things, and that’s what the Lower/Ego Self does to us. It points out how unfairly we’ve been treated all this time, and how we deserve better, and gets us all riled up and feeling entitled to things. If we were able to consistently exist in a state of being of service to others and humbleness, entitlement would never occur to us. We would be truly grateful for the abundance the Universe gives us every day.

I’ve gone back to the same profession I did for 25 years, but I am not the same person. If nothing else, it has shown me how much I’ve changed over the last 2 years. But it’s also bringing up anger, frustration, impatience and judgement that I’d thought I’d rid myself of. When I mentioned this to my sister, she reminded me that there’s a lot of programmed thinking around a job you’ve done for years, so that’s a tough place to have a new perception and a new way of thinking about things. So, in a way, this is the perfect test to see if I recognize the old pattern and to consciously choose a reset and a reprogramming of that pattern. It’s been an uncomfortable place to be though. On top of all that it’s also brought up fear of failure. I’m getting the chance to look at what failure is to me, and what failing at something means to me and why. I’m getting the opportunity to take this outside of myself, examine it and let it go as I realize it serves no purpose any longer as I release judgement of myself. Being afraid of failure means that I’m not trusting in the Universe that everything is as it should be. Not being able to take care of our physical needs brings up a huge amount of fear. But, just like a water hose that gets twisted up and the water can no longer flow through it freely, so it is with fear and the energy of bringing what you need to you. When the energy no longer flows freely due to the constriction created by the energy of fear, your ability to create is diminished and in that way, you bring about your greatest fears.

It’s time for all these things to come to the surface for us to look at and release. Do you keep finding yourself in the same situation repeatedly? A bossy boss or an antagonistic co-worker that always seems to pop up no matter how many times you change jobs? We keep experiencing things until we learn what we need to learn or release the energy we need to release that surrounds the situation. You are the common denominator in all the situations you experience, so perhaps it’s time to look at yourself rather than blaming others for what’s happening to you. We are each the stars of our own play that is our life and everyone else is a supporting actor, there to support the lessons we’ve chosen to experience this lifetime. Make no mistake, we have all chosen what we wanted to experience and what we wanted to work through and accomplish this lifetime. We are only giving our power away to others when we take up the mantle of the victim and feel that things are always being done to us and we have no control. That is a false perception that you’ve chosen to take on as your own, but the time has come to release the chains you have placed on yourselves and to accept the responsibility for the learning opportunities you have provided for yourself before you were born.

It is usually necessary for us to go backwards in order to move forwards, to relive experiences so that we may learn our lessons and make different choices that are for our Highest Good. Going backwards helps us move forward by allowing us to recognize in that moment how far we’ve truly come and to finally realize we CAN recognize the growth we’ve accomplished and CHOOSE to make different choices moving forward. It provides the opportunity to respond in a different way than we did before, and in that moment release the old energy back into the Earth and the Universe to be transmuted and repurposed for our Highest Good.