During my growing up years, I lived in a country of poverty (It has been completely changed now). My family, like most of the families in our country at that time period, lived with very limited material supplies. The very basic materials, such as food, clothing, sugar, salt and meat, etc. were given to us in a monthly quota. My parents had to plan very carefully how to eat and what to eat in order to cover the whole month because there often was not enough for our big family. On top of that, my father carelessly spent his salary and borrowed money on delicacies to satisfy his desire. My brother and I had to work at a very young age to make money to support our family. Every year we were all looking forward to Chinese New year, because this was the only time we were able to eat plenty of food and receive new clothes. We were also looking forward to our birthday, because this was the only time we received special treatment; like a bowl of long noodle soup with two eggs. I never had my own pocket money until I graduated from college and started working away from my family. Even so, I still lived under very basic living conditions, because I had to save money to give my family. Therefore, I learned the importance of materials and money for survival. The fear and insecurity of poverty and lack of money was ingrained deeply within me through the poverty experience. Because of that, I learned to budget and to spend money carefully and wisely. I learned to be self-sufficient and not to have debt.
Upon coming to the US, I worked very hard to build upon my American dream of opportunity from the scratch. After a few years struggle and hardship, I finally fulfilled this dream. I bought my own house and my own car; I saved plenty of money and it was safely deposited in my bank account. I had a stable job with a decent salary and good benefits. I furnished my four-bedroom house and finished basement with furniture, goods and decorations. Although I did not need most of them, I kept them in case I needed them in the future. In a sense, I accumulated enormous material possessions to mask my fear of poverty and insecurity.
I lived a very comfortable American life on the material level. However, no matter how comfortable and how much material possessions I accumulated; I still felt insecure. I was still afraid of poverty and lack of money. I still worried about the future as if all I had would be taken away from me and I would be left with nothing. I would immediately be engulfed in panic and abject fear upon thinking about it.
As I started to live my life with Metaphysics, I found my answer as to why I had to experience poverty and lack of money in my growing up years. Through my natal chart I was able to see that one of the major life lessons I chose to experience in this lifetime was centered on value and self-worth to assist me to heal my deepest wound (Chiron in Capricorn in my 2nd house in my natal chart). I used to put so much energy and focus on material importance and status for measuring my self worth, self-esteem and self-value. But the worldly success did not give me true value and worth, which my soul was striving to attain, but only fed my vanity and pride.
What I experienced in my growing up years is part of the major life lesson I chose to experience and learn from in this incarnation. Through experiencing poverty and lack of money, I was learning to appreciate and to value all I had in my life. On the other hand, through the success in the material world, I was able to realize what really mattered the most for my soul. Yes, having money and material abundance are very important for living a comfortable life, however, when I was strongly attached to the material world I was concealing my deep fear of poverty and insecurity. It became a great hindrance of my soul growth from a Spiritual perspective. Therefore, having the Universe take away my material possessions and money has enabled me to face my deepest fear of poverty and insecurity. I am so grateful to have finally experienced this aspect of my being; not to say the experience has been easy.
In 2005, when I sold my home and moved to Seattle, WA to start working with Margaret/Maitreya and Alan, I had to get rid of half of my belongings. To be honest, this was not an easy process because it meant for me to let go of things I cherished or held dearly. It made me move out of my comfort zone, but the Universe helped me go through it. I lived in WA State for 7 years and I moved 3 times. With each move, the Universe nudged me to shed more belongings as my living space was downsized with each move. Finally in 2013, before we went to India to live there for about 15 months, I had to get rid of all my furniture, but I still kept my bed, bedding and cookware, books, crystals and clothes in the hope that I would have them one day when I came back to US.
The Universe had other plans, in 2015 before we returned back to India, we had to let go of all of our stuff, and I only kept my astrology books and personal crystals. All the rest of my belongings with the exception of 3 pieces of airline luggage were given away via a yard sale prior to leaving. It was a painful learning experience for me as I saw my possessions being purchased at a fraction of their material value and nothing could have compensated me from a sentimental point of view as I let go of some very precious personal possessions. Now, we literally no longer have a home and very few possessions left in the US. This letting go of material belongings has really freed us to go anywhere without anything holding us back.
It was just when I thought that I have let go of everything except what was needed that we then were moved on to Australia. The flight we took only allowed us to take 25 kg check-in luggage, I then had to leave even more of my belongings in India. Three months living in Australia really made me realize that I really needed even less than I thought I needed. I realized I only wear a very small portion of the clothes I brought with me. Therefore, I have decided that I will downsize my belongings once again when we take our next trip, just let it go, it will free more energy and space for me to do other things in my life.
The past 3 years of my 2nd Saturn Return, I have been living with Margaret, Alan, Korinne and Ratna. I have been learning to let go of material possessions and living my life in the now moment. The letting go process has really prompted me to think hard about what is really important in my life. I have learned so much about karma, past lives, past life energy and life lessons around value and self worth in this process. I have grown so much metaphysically and spiritually through the course of my actions.
I have come a long way to reach my existing state of being. I would never imagine that I would be able to cope with no material possessions and belongings along with no money in the bank without sheer panic and worry. I am amazed when I ask myself where the old me has gone; she who always made sure to have plenty of savings in the bank and have abundant belongings in my stock! This indeed is a radical transformation for me.
Although I maybe “poor” in my material possessions, I honestly consider myself as the richest woman in the world, because I have learned and grown so much metaphysically and spiritually. I have no fear, no worry and no concern about what I have let go of either. Instead, I am learning to have total faith and trust in the Universe.
We may not have what our Self wants, but all we need is continually being provided. There is no doubt in my mind that we will be continually tested to live in the now and make the most of what the Universe provides. This is the true test of “Holding onto nothing and trusting that all that is required will be provided”. We are so ready for the new beginning with this new mindset and energy.
I truly feel blessed and fortunate to have experienced first hand this unique learning opportunity. I am very grateful!