Time flies so fast, in a blink, here comes 2018. Although I wondered where the year 2017 went, looking back I still cannot believe that I actually have gone through a lot of changes and some incredible life experiences!
In the beginning of 2017 I was not in good shape or condition since Margaret’s sudden passing on July 13th of 2016. Because this happened so sudden and unexpected, we – Alan, Korinne, Ratna and I – who have lived with her the last few years of her life, were affected greatly as the sense of security she provided for us evaporated overnight, and the comfort zone we felt with her was removed with her passing. Since that day, our life was inevitably changed. When we entered the year of 2017, Alan, Korinne, Ratna and I, the four of us were still going through an incredible grieving process – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. During this process, we have been dealing with the feeling of loss, confusion, fear, insecurity, guilt, angry, doubt, and all other “negative emotions” as we continue to work through our karma, past life energy and life lessons individually and collectively with each other. At times, it seemed to become very hard when the karma, past life energy and life lessons all became intertwined in our everyday life, accompanied with the deep and intensive emotional energy that is constantly coming to the surface from our deep subconscious from this life as well as past lives. I personally not only carried enormous guilt and a deep sense of failure, but also physical dis-ease. Since I gained a lot of weight in the last four years I looked unhealthy and bloated. On top of that I started to have blood a sugar problem. I was in such a low point of my life that I was forced to make changes when we entered the year of 2017.
Firstly, I had to work on letting go of guilt that I was responsible for Margaret’s passing. Secondly, I had to get my body in shape and get my physical strength back. With Korinne’s help, we all started on a diet and began doing physical exercise. In 3 months, both Alan and I lost almost 30 pounds and had our physical body in good shape and health. It was an incredible healing process. We have gained some deep understanding about life and about ourselves, and we have attained much inner strength and soul growth. More than anything, we have been constantly reminded that we are never alone! Margaret, Maitreya and Spirit are here with us all the time from the other side of the veil. They were with us each step along the journey, especially when we were fighting our Self and struggling with our own emotions. They have been constantly sending us love and healing energy, as well as guidance through our intuition to lead us forward to our true destiny, but they have patiently stood aside with compassion and total acceptance when necessary so as to not interfere in our learning. Their unconditional love has enabled us to go through this testing and trial period to allow an incredible intensive soul purging to unfold which has allowed much learning, healing and growth to take place. I am deeply grateful for what I have learned and experienced during this healing process.
During the August Solar Eclipse period, Alan and I decided to get married as there is a karmic energy needing to be balanced between us. For me, there are also a lot of life lessons around relationships that I need to learn. Getting married itself is a breakthrough as I had to face my own fear of commitment and to break the conditioning. Right after the marriage, we were prompted to have our Solar Return in Shanghai, China for Alan and in my hometown for myself. I happened to have a private student in Shanghai, he was so supportive and he offered to provide the accommodation that we needed in Shanghai for two months, which enabled us to manifest this trip successfully.
Before our trip to Shanghai, we were told by Spirit that we should not worry about anything or how things would unfold in Shanghai, but have total faith and trust in the Universe and in Spirit. Thus we took on this trip without any expectation.
However, from our direct life experiences with Margaret/Maitreya in the past 4 years, both Alan and I knew that there was a purpose for us to take this trip, as Spirit would never do something with no purpose. Although our intention was to take Maitreya’s teaching to China, before its manifestation, there could be other things needing to be dealt with first. Our knowing was later proved true. Even so, what we experienced in China was still beyond our imagination, it was mind-boggling!
In 2009 I was instructed to set up a Chinese website for Maitreya’s teaching by Maitreya. I did what I was asked to do with no idea how it was going to unfold. Somehow, through it, Spirit brought four people to us before our trip. Through our interaction with them during our trip, a big past life was revealed among us. Alan and I both went through a huge release of this past life in our own way. In that past life Alan brought higher spiritual teaching and consciousness to mankind but was crucified. It turned out that I was the one who ordered his crucifixion and the four Chinese were all the key players who were responsible for crucifying him. All of them felt the past life. It resonated with them and the role they played individually.
When this past life came to light, I went through a big healing crisis both physically and emotionally. It was unbelievable that Alan married me and has been sleeping with his enemy in this life time! This past life revelation was a shock to me. I went through forgiving myself and letting go of the deep guilt for what I did. With Alan’s help and healing, I was not only able to let go, but also heal the excruciating physical pain around my spleen, stomach and kidney which had been there for a long time due to holding on to guilt. I am indeed very fortunate that Maitreya’s teachings and Alan’s understanding and support helped me go through such a profound transformation.
A week before we returned to the USA, we flew to my hometown for my birthday and to visit my brother who was going through the surgery due to his Cancer recurrence. I planned to be with him and look after him during his surgery period. Surprisingly, he did not want to have anything to do with me. On top of it, he told my sister, whom we stayed with when we first arrived at our hometown, to make sure to not let me visit him. My sister also looked down at me and kept telling me that I was stupid and did not know anything. In other words, she was telling me that I was a failure and I did not deserve her respect. On the second day we stayed in her home, she got very sick and ended up in the hospital, her husband was also hospitalized. It was a sign of some deep past life energy coming to the surface according our own experiences. Considering not to affect them further by our energy, Alan and I decided to move into a hotel. As we made the decision, the Universe opened all possibilities and opportunities for us. We easily found a good hotel that met all our needs. However, the traumatic experience I endured with the rejection from my own brother and my sister triggered within me some very deep buried energy and when it came to the surface, I became sick. It took two weeks to clear the energy, so I struggled through it for the last week China and the 1st week back in the USA. If you’ve read my book, “My Journey to Superconciousness”, you see that my whole life has been a journey of rejection. This last act of being rejected by my brother with Cancer and sick sister really hit the core of my being. I was angry and frustrated on a subconscious level and I was consciously unaware of the depth of it. I wrote a letter speaking my truth to my brother and intended to send it to him the following day, but my computer hard drive became corrupted and I was unable to send it. This shows me the power of our past life energy and energy from our subconscious.
After we came back home in Renton, WA, USA. I went into the most despaired moment in my life. At that moment I felt that I was completely rejected by the Universe, by Spirit, and by the world. I felt that I was useless, hopeless and helpless, and I was a total failure. For the first time in the 14 years since I started my metaphysical path with Margaret/Maitreya, I questioned myself for giving up everything that I attained through my worldly success and now I had end up with no future and nothing. One morning while I was walking in the cold weather, I couldn’t help but crying loudly in despair and asked Spirit for further guidance and help. It was a long cry, and it was from the core of my being. Right after it, I had a knowing that through crying I was purging the deep buried past life energy of rejection and abandonment and that I will be OK.
What we have experienced in this two-month China trip was beyond our imagination although we had experienced a lot of things with Margaret/Maitreya. It was not only a big learning experience, but also very necessary in order for us to move forward in vibration. It also gives me insight for what I need to work on in 2018.
Our life of incarnation on the Earth Plane is all about our own individual soul journey – working on our own life lessons, karma and past life issues and past life energies. I have come to the stage in my life journey to fulfill my own destiny promised in my natal chart – taking full responsibility for myself and becoming the master of my life by forgiving, accepting and loving myself unconditionally. So here is my affirmation for the year of 2018 that I set up for myself,
“I am a divine spark of God of the Universe. God loves me more than I love myself. God accepts me and loves me unconditionally. From this moment forward; I forgive, accept and love myself unconditionally.”
2018 is a year of change and transformation to self-mastery. It is a new year and another new beginning. I intend to make it a great year!