Looking Deep Within Me through Diabetes
After I finished the Master of Metaphysical Beginner Course with Margaret/Maitreya in September 2003, I started the process of raising my vibration. I then began to have physical pain all over my physical body as if my whole body was going through reconstruction. I understand the pain was caused by the deep buried repressed and unused past life energy as it was coming to the surface to be released through the physical body, but it did not make going through process pleasant or easy, especially when it was intensified in the past four years as I entered my second Saturn Return in 2012. At times the pain was so severe and excruciating, I could not sleep during the night, instead, I had to get up to use all sorts of healing modalities to ease the pain. I often wondered if I would survive from the pain and how long I would have to endure it. Positively, through my own healing process, I have learned how to use different healing modalities, and it enabled me to understand healing and healing energy first hand.
Surprisingly, right after the New Year, the physical pain I have had in the past 13 years suddenly and magically disappeared. For the first time I was able to have a decent nights sleep without waking up due to the pain. I felt energized and healthy, and I was very happy. Then, here comes another surprise! Ten days after the New Year, I started to experience itching around my lower legs and ankles. In the beginning I ignored it until I was unable to tolerate it anymore. I somehow had a strange knowing that I needed to check my blood sugar, but my second thought told me that it was impossible for me to have blood sugar problems, because I have been eating very well – organic, GMO free and gluten free food. Therefore, I ignored my intuition. However, my lower leg itching became more intolerable and I decided to check my blood sugar. It turned out that my blood sugar had reached the level of type 2 Diabetes.
I could not believe the result. I continued to monitor my blood sugar by watching what I ate and it still stayed at the level of type 2 Diabetes. By then I had to accept the simple truth – I may have type 2 Diabetes. Since I believe that everything happening in my life has a metaphysical reason and a physical disease is a signal of dis-ease and dis-harmony of my body, mind and soul. Therefore, I wondered what the cause of my high blood sugar level was. I looked at Inna Segal’s book – The Secret Language of Your Body: The Essential Guide to Health and Wellness about the metaphysical indication of Diabetes, Type 2. Here is her description:
“Fear of fully participating in life. Great need for control and to know things. Deep need for attention and approval. A constant craving for love paired with a belief that you are unworthy or undeserving. Deep-seated guilt. Belief that you have to struggle to survive. Often losing yourself in relationships. Constant need for sweetness to mask feelings of weakness, limitation, and the belief that there is not enough. Stuck in your own world of limitation and lack.”
I have to admit that all of the above description is spot on. From my own natal chart, I understand that I have chosen to learn some hard life lessons around love and relationships in this lifetime (I have Venus in Scorpio in conjunction with Saturn in Scorpio in the 11th house, and both in quincunx with my Moon in Gemini in the 7th house). In my astrological Karmic report, it indicates that my ability to give and receive love freely is inhibited by messages I received or experienced in my childhood. I have also brought into this life subconscious memories of harsh discipline, emotional deprivation, separations from family and other sources of security which prevented me from being properly nourished and cared for. As a result, I have experienced persistent underlying feelings of sadness or loss without recognizing their source. I have also brought into this life great fear of my own emotional depths, my extremely low self-esteem, self-doubt, insecurity, anger, deep guilt and other dark, “ugly” emotions that I have imagined I have more than others do. Much of these are based on my subconscious belief that whatever occurred in the past was my fault and that love, security, and comfort are scarce commodities which can be withdrawn from me at any time.
All these issues were brought to my consciousness in the past four years through past lives and past life energy coming to the surface while I was living in India with Margaret, Alan, Ratna and later Korinne as I entered my second Saturn Return in 2012. I have been dealing with these issues and working on myself constantly. I thought that as long as I was working on them, I would be fine. But I really had no idea how deep and complicated all these issues can be until my high blood sugar problem came up recently. The irony is that Margaret/Maitreya told me that I would have a blood sugar problem in 2014 when my blood sugar was absolutely normal. I could not see this coming at that time, but it came true suddenly! This is definitely my wakening call.
The Universe is now providing me a great opportunity to work on all these issues I have brought into this lifetime to deal with and to learn from. I now need to pay much closer attention to my deep subconscious patterning, past life conditioning and my fears around love and relationships. First of all, I have to learn to truly accept all the issues, fears and insecurities that I have rather than avoid or suppress them, and to have the willingness to journey deep within myself to reclaim the most denied aspects of my being, particularly my own dark emotions, such as intense jealousy, deep guilt, and deep insecurity in order to transform myself and to become a truly powerful individual. I have to learn to be gentle and kind to myself as I am much too hard on myself, I tend to see criticism and blame where none is intended. Above all, I have to learn self-acceptance and cherish myself, regardless of my flaws or supposed past errors. I am the power of my life; I am the only person responsible for how to use it to create my life. I must learn to truly love myself and to have total acceptance of myself. It is time for me to face my deep ingrained fear and insecurity, and to change my deep conditioned belief, old patterns and habits about myself. It is time for me to grow up and to be a mature as a soul. I can do it, and I must do it!!!!!