Pulling the Trigger
For me, March holds a strong significance in my life, because it was 11 years ago this month that I somewhat blindly stepped on a plane and flew about 7,000 miles to take a 6-day Metaphysics course I had discovered on the Internet when I searched for the word Maitreya. I, like many, was searching for something that was missing in my life. I guess you could try and contain the concept of what I was looking for in terms such as: what is my life purpose, what is the meaning of life, why are we here, why do things in my life not make sense anymore? The list on a an individual level can be expressed or experienced in many different ways, but for some reason at the depths of our being, something triggered us to search for that elusive knowledge, experience, understanding, freedom or state of being that we feel we must have or try to attain.
I couldn’t really explain to those around me why I needed this or where this was ultimately leading me. My explanation attempts were like talking to a brick wall. They weren’t seeing or feeling what I was expressing and I wasn’t seeing or feeling what they were expressing. My ex-wife, asked me in exasperation, ”What would prompt you, out of blue, to take an unannounced trip or “Spiritual Journey” as you are calling it and leave me, your two kids, your job and essentially put everything that I thought mattered to you on hold.” But, for some reason I had to do it, it was like an addiction, I couldn’t explain the allure, but I needed it and no one was going to stop me. So off I went into the unknown, with the only certainty being, I just needed to do it.
Here I am, 11 years later and I have experienced some incredible highs and lows, gained some knowledge and understanding of life, but for some reason the journey and learning associated with it continues to unfold as I experience my life each day. If I have learned anything, it is that there isn’t a finite answer or end point in the journey that I am now a part of 11 years later.
I have come to realize that all people that I have been associated with in the past 11 years and those during my prior “Normal” life are just replaying the roles they previously played with me in prior incarnations that created all this “Anger” that was trapped inside me. In this incarnation, I have chosen to confront and clear this energy. It is not that it was their fault or even mine, we were all reacting on what we knew at the time and in the circumstances we were living or experiencing at the time. During this past 11-years I have come to see how judgmental and critical I can be. I asked myself why? This may sound arrogant, but I came back to be judgmental and critical to bring out all this “Anger” that resided within me; how else was it going to get expunged from my soul memory.
Now, I am not saying I have done everything right, but laying blame on others or our self, is not the point of our incarnation. The theme of our incarnation is to release past life energy through our life experiences. These experiences come with people attached to the other end of the prior experience and they act as energy triggers in this life to assist us to release all this crap that resides within us. These triggers are family and non-family, no one is immune. In my personal experience, the family-triggers, if we are honest with ourselves and don’t run from them; they carry the most pain, but flush the most energy.
This last 11 years has been somewhat comical as I look back on it now, because once I jumped on this Metaphysical train, it was like the “Pearly Gates” were opened wide for me. The business I had started before my Metaphysical journey began reached a success that I still can’t completely grasp. It was like I was being rewarded for jumping off the “Deep End”! But, was this success really a reward for my new Metaphysical journey or was the Universe just providing me the monetary means for a bigger picture that I wasn’t seeing yet? I innocently assumed this mountain of money was to be used to take Maitreya to the world and set up Spiritual teaching centers around the world. I have since come to the understanding of how clueless, to put it bluntly, I was in my initial expectations of my journey. I was even more naïve in comprehending the real purpose of the millions of dollars I was given. The illusion of taking Maitreya to the world and setting up these Spiritual centers was just the backdrop to “Squander” the money, at least that’s what my self has tried to tell me as everything we’ve tried over the last 11 years has “Failed” miserably.
Everyone that came into my life was well compensated and given all the tools and equipment they needed for success. While everyone had great ideas and had visions of exactly what needed to be done, everything and I mean everything “Crashed and Burned”, including all the money! What do you think this did to all that “Anger” that was inside me? Do you think there was a lot of “Criticism and Judgment” being spewed from my being as the anger and frustration was being unleashed? I could easily let my self beat me up and say how dumb could I be, but I have come to understand that the purpose of the money was to repay Karma to all these triggers from the past who came into my life. The only way to release the past life energy is by reliving the past life energy in this incarnation. You may ask, but how can I do that? It’s actually very simple, since all our actions in this life are pretty much controlled by our past life experiences, we just place the triggers in place from the players from our past lives that travel through time with us. To all the triggers participating in my “Anger” campaign, no matter how talented and good your intentions or mine were, you/we were suppose to struggle and ultimately fail so as to bring out my “Anger”, just like in the past life. Thanks for your service, no hard feelings! Anybody remember the movie “Ground Hog Day” with Bill Murray.
I remember one individual that came into my life, they were well qualified and put together this campaign to take Margaret and Maitreya to the next level, but after about 6 months and $40k in compensation and $40k in marketing, the event was an utter disaster. I think 3 people showed up. It happened to rain that weekend so we tried to justify the low turnout on the rain. (LOL) We lived in Seattle for God’s sake, you don’t tan in Seattle, you rust! I ended up letting this person go and when I discussed the matter with Maitreya, he informed me that I was just paying back a Karmic debt. I remember saying, “why didn’t you tell me that before hand, I could have given this person the money on day one and not had to go through the frustration these past 6 months”. Unfortunately, I was concentrating on the money, not the experience required to release the energy associated with this individual from the past life. Sadly, I still didn’t comprehend the big picture after this event and these scenarios continued over and over until the money was finally gone. I am happy to say the light bulb is now illuminated and I honestly am in a very good place in my acceptance of where I am on my journey at this time. In my truth, the light bulb couldn’t come on until all the money was expended, because there was so much anger and frustration trapped within me and it took a lot of triggers to bring it out.
To put things in perspective about this trapped energy; in one life that I am playing out in this incarnation I was the abbot of a monastery. All I wanted to do was help my fellow monks and interact in the community we served to make life better. I was lucky, because I had very good people skills and everyone liked me. Those above me in the church hierarchy were not just jealous of my open heart and the relationship I enjoyed with my monks and the community we served, because they were only concerned with how much money they could extract from the monastery and the community. Over the years they squeezed and squeezed every cent they could out of the monastery. My work load was immense and the majority of my monks weren’t very proficient at their jobs and were in the church life not for the love of God, but because they happened to be the sacrificial child in the family that was given to the church as was the custom in those days.
To make a long story short, rather than yelling and screaming and demanding more help from my fellow monks and standing up to the church hierarchy, I absorbed my anger and frustrations internally. The pressures and demands on me from the hierarchy finally broke me. In this broken state I decided to burn the place down. My broken mind deduced that no monastery, no more pressures. I did my deed during a festival when everyone was supposed to be away. Unfortunately, the weather was not good and a number of the monks stayed in the monastery unbeknownst to me and they met their demise because of me. Welcome to how Karma is created through our actions whether intentional or not. In the end, it is all just trapped energy that we carry with us from incarnation to incarnation until we devise a plan to release it. Two of my immediate family members in this life were part of the church hierarchy and as I stated above, these triggers are the toughest to face as the Karma plays out on both sides.
So, my Spiritual journey of “Self Discovery” that I started 11 years ago this month has definitely not been the blissful student sitting in the Lotus position chanting OM; it’s been more like a gangster bribing the same people that were culpable in creating the energy to start with; Go Figure! (LOL)
In all seriousness, at the end of the day, the journey is about the experience required to release whatever past life energy you have inside of you and the only way you do that is by replaying the past life and facing a lot of fears along the way.
Have a great month, and yes, now that I have expended all the money and am reaching the empty point on the anger; I am hoping I am now ready to assist Margaret in taking Maitreya to the World, Stay Tuned!